PS : I Love You
by Natasha Nox
Summary: UA/AH Bella lost her beloved Edward Cullen, ten years ago. Her life was "destroyed". On Christmas day, she decided to write him a letter. A surprising letter ...
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer : Stephenie Meyer owns the characters and books._

 _Hello !_  
 _I am a french student. As I have difficulties in translating from French to English, I am looking for a good English beta-reader to correct me and teach me the secrets of the English language. This fiction is already over in French._

 _I will publish one chapter each Sunday._

.

 **PS: I love You, Edward**

 **.**

 **Natasha Nox**

 **.**

 **Chapter 1 :** A Merry Christmas **  
.**

 **I** was unhappy. Nothing, anyone, couldn't understand the distress and the melancholy that haunted me. Every morning I got up and had lunch and then I prepared to go out; once my cadaver-like face cleaned up and the clothes putted on, I was wandering about the streets of Forks. But that day, I refused to go out. Hunched in the leather sofa, I sat down in front of the television. This was off and that's what I wanted. Anyway, I doubted even my TV could switch on again one day. I had not used for a long time the remote television since _that night_. The night I fell asleep on the sofa on the Edward's arms; the night he fell asleep and never wake up. I remembered my sob the next morning to discover that the chest of my beautiful lover no longer heaved. No beats, no breaths. His full and cold vermilion lips had slightly whitened. His warm, soft skin was completely cold. I tried to open his eyes, hoping for a reaction from him. But that was over. Edward Cullen, the love of my life, left me. And although this event took place ten years ago, I could still see every day his dead body on the sofa in front of the television during the night _, that night_.

 **W** herever he is, I hoped it was a better world. Every Sunday, I placed a candle in Forks Church, praying that his soul finds refuge in the paradise. That day, yet it was Sunday, I did not go to the Forks Church for the first time since the death of my husband. Wrapped in my duvet, I suddenly heard the doorbell resonate in my flat. In a quavering voice, I warned in my presence. When I got up, my bones cracked and I winced; then, with a heavy tread, I dragged myself to the door. I opened it and saw on my landing Mr. Black, an old friend of mine.

 ** _A_** _re there something I can do for you, Bella? You want me to take you to church?_ _It is already half past ten_ , Jacob Black suggested me. His smile filled me with happiness. His happy smiling. I refused politely. But he insisted _"_ _My friends of poker game, Quil and Embry are at home. It's Christmas Eve, we prepare Christmas Eve Dinner."._ I bitterly replied: _"I do not want to see anybody."._ Jacob sighed. He knew I wasn't celebrating Christmas Eve for ten years. Christmas Eve was for me a completely different symbolic: my Edward had died that day. My friend excused himself and returned to his apartment.

 **A** nd I closed the door. I get back to the sofa and let me fall. On the armrest, I put a notebook and pen. Without hurry, I took the pen and began to write: _"Edward, my dear Edward,_

 _ **O**_ _ne day, I lost you. I suffer you died, you would not have wanted me to live wallowing in self-pity. But I cannot live without you. I do not want to live without you.  
_  
 ** _S_** _tranger, that the state in which I feel._ _Foreign to my country, foreign to my apartment, foreign to myself. "_. However, I was not satisfied and I crossed out the last lines then I put down the paper and pencil. I was not inspired.

 ** _W_** _e were one person and you are dead. Do you know how my words are ridiculous compared with my feelings? The hole in my heart grows every day. Do you know, my love, I've been thinking about my death? When I was a little girl, I thought to die from a serious illness like my aunt or a heart attack like my father Charlie. But I believe that my death will be quite different. I think I'll die alone, slowly._

 _ **O**_ _r, I will die during my sleep quietly at least. Like you, Edward._

 _ **A**_ _nd do you know what would be my best Christmas gift this year? This would be to join you._ " I folded the paper and wrote one last thing on the reverse. Outside it was dark. I didn't know what time it was but I could hear the kids in my neighbor's family, Newton's family, who ran everywhere. I got up and walked on many drafts of the letter. In approaching the window, I saw the houses in my neighborhood which twinkle with Christmas decorations lights. I opened the window and put a hand out. After a while, I let go the letter and it flew in the wind. Freezed, I closed the window and drew the curtains before rolling me again in the covers of the sofa. When I returned to the living room, I cried out fearfully.

 **M** y Edward Cullen was waiting for me. My eyes were filled with tears, I smiled and I ran to meet him. He took me in his arms. His touch was cold, his skin was hard and icy. Like a dead body. But I didn't let him go. I was happy.

 ***. *. *. *. *. *. ***

-.- Not far away, a little girl named Alice was walking with her mother to discover the beautiful Christmas decorations of Forks. While they were walking, the child found a piece of paper on the floor that she picked. Above it, she read a short sentence: _"PS I love You Edward."_ She unfolded the letter but did not have the time to read it when her mother summoned her to throw that piece of paper that was lying on the floor. Even if she was sad because she did not fill her curiosity, Alice dropped the paper and joined his mother.

A few minutes later, when there was no one to testify, the piece of paper caught fire, leaving no traces of One love, of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes** : 1. _I am a french student. As I have difficulties in translating from French to English, I am looking for a good English beta-reader to correct me and teach me the secrets of the English language. This fiction is already over in French._

2\. Bella is still young in lots of fictions that I read. In "PS : I love you", Bella is a beautiful and sweet grandma.

3\. I wish you a good reading !

4\. **xxxbulletxxx,** the answer is in the notes. Thank you :)

.

 **PS: I love You, Edward**

 **.**

 **Natasha Nox**

 **.**

 **Chapter 1 :** A daily painful. **  
.**

 **W** rapped with my dark blue parka Levi's which my beloved Edward bought me on my last birthday, I dashed through the morning mist. I had always griped with his expensive gifts, because I felt indebted. But now that the cold was trying to bite with aggressiveness my skin, this thick coat of good quality was really welcomed. Only a few minutes of fighting against moisture and cold separated me from the bus shelter. Pains – because of knee osteoarthritis - made me suffer. I bit my lower lip. Only a few minutes to sit on the bench of the bus shelter and two minutes more before the transport vehicle arrived.

 **S** ince Edward had been hospitalized, on a Halloween day, every day was the same shambles. I got up, I prepared my coffee with a piece of cake, I sat in my massage chair, I turned on the TV, I phoned to the work of my daughter Renesmee, I opened the door to Jessica -my housekeeper-, I dressed up, I had a second coffee with Jessica – who was particularly talkative -, and then I left my home with the young woman who help me down the few steps in front of the building. The breath, the crunch of my bones. The more I got older, the more my health was getting worse. But I was still alive.

 **W** , the W bus. Only three steps. A pregnant woman saw me and delayed the bus by placing her stroller across the entrance. Out of breath, I thanked her. She smiled but her kindness did not prevent her to sit at the last place, a seat reserved for seniors only. Was I really blame her? My bones made me suffer and the sudden braking of the bus were just about to make me fall down. However, if the pregnant woman was standing, the baby and her were taking as much risk as me. Without flinching, I clung with both hands to a bar near the exit. _Bella, I can take you to see him…if you want_ , I suddenly heard the voice of Jacob in my head. _I always have my driving license; I can drive you to the hospital as in church instead that you take the risk to go out alone to take the bus. I'd be more reassured_. Each time I left my home, Jacob suggested driving me where I wanted but I refused flatly. I refused because I knew that my childhood friend was jealous. In the past, he had tried to make jealous Edward and I was aware that he still loves me.

 **A** rrived at the hospital, I got off the bus and I prepared me psychologically for walking up the ramp in front of the center. Since the construction of this new hospital, I had never understood the installation of this ramp which - although it was supposed to facilitate access to the hospital - was too steep for seniors. When I entered the building, Victoria, a secretary, with which I had some problems in the past and whose hatred was clearly exhibited, saw me and said in a monotonous tone of voice: _« Hello Mrs. Cullen, do you come to see Mr Cullen? »_ I nodded silently and I put my bag on the counter _. « Mr. Cullen does not get better but you can visit him. I will warn of your arrival. »_ After she had a quick call, I walked to the elevator where I met Mike Newton, a former high school admirer, who invited me to a coffee machine on the ground floor after the visits. I refused politely. I would have appreciated a coffee in the company of Mike Newton in other circumstances. I had heard that his wife was ill… terminal bone cancer. Even if I could understand that he needed support, I did not want to disrespect this woman. I finally slipped away for reaching the room of my beloved Edward. The door was green and it was indicated « 17 ». I knocked twice, signaling my arrival to my eternal love and I softly pushed the door. A surprise was awaiting me inside.

 ** _R_** _enesmee !_ I let out a cry of joy because my daughter and I had not seen for months. She worked a lot and she often moved. Without waiting a second, my sweet Renesmee threw herself into my arms and cuddled me under the loving eyes of his father who was lying on a bed. When she pulled away from me, I rushed to my husband and took his hand. I asked nervously: _« How are you? Doctors said you more information? »._ He smiled and stroke my cheek with his index. "As long as you're here, I feel better, my sweet Bella.". I admitted to him in a tearful voice: « I'm so worried, Edward. ». Behind me, Renesmee cleared her throat and told us that she wanted to leave us a few minutes. She waved to us before disappearing behind the door _. « What an adorable child! »_ Edward said. I replied with a smile. Unable to wait, I kissed him. Every day I was waiting for my kiss. Since we met, we embraced each day. This kiss reassured me, this kiss reminded me that we were together, alive. He stroked my cheek again. _« Bella, we need to talk. »_ My heart began to beat wildly, I felt there's something not quite right about all this.

 ** _« I_** _n two days I have to be operated on. It's a necessary operation and we must prepare for the worst situation. » I groaned but he continued: « If I die, I want you to continue to live, Bella… »_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes** : 1. _I am a french student. As I have difficulties in translating from French to English, I am looking for a good English beta-reader to correct me and teach me the secrets of the English language. This fiction is already over in French._

 _2. **Canada02** , je suis contente de te retrouver ici ;)_

.

 **PS: I love You, Edward**

 **.**

 **Natasha Nox**

 **.**

 **Chapter 3 :** Love without words. **  
.**

 **T** hese wrinkles, which I usually found attractive, seemed grow more hollow with the exhaustation, there were dark rings under my eyes. But his ever-present smile and perfectly aligned and white teeth brought a life-giving touch to this aging face through the throes of age; it was always the man I fell in love that I saw. In my eyes, there was the Edward of my highschool: my first crush, my first relationship, my one and only love. I remembered his copper-coloured hair, his pupils sometimes golden sometimes brown. I nodded with my closed eyes from left to right. It was really out of question that I live without him. Just to think of it, a pike sank slowly into my heart.

 **O** ne of his fingers stroked my arm. Over time, our skin had softened making it more pleasant, more tender. As he struggled to move, I approached him and gently put his hand to my cheek. We smiled at each other wordlessly. After more than half a century, only a few small gestures of affection used to transmit our feelings, our love, a love without end. Face to face, we were watching at each other in silence just like at the beginning of our relationship where we spent hours gazing at us, lying in a clearing, our secret place, at the end of classes. Our friends do not understand this sort of mutual obsession but there were no reasons. Edward was what the sap was for the tree. I was the tree and I fed on Edward. I had grown up with him and I was inseparable from his being.

 **I** t came lunch time and, with a heart full of sadness, I took leave of my beloved. I got off the bed where I sat and Renesmee enjoyed to help me to get my bag and leave this room as soon as possible, under the angry glances of nurses who wanted to finish their tasks. I knew a nurse friend, Angela Weber, and she told me how nurses work was hard and I do not hate them for not being welcoming. As long as they didn't lash out at my love.

 **W** alking along the walls, I took my daugther arm and we joined the elevator. Once on the ground floor we saw again Mike Newton. This time, I didn't refuse his invitation to the cafeteria of the hospital. The poor man had reddened eyes as if he cried for over an hour. Renesmee took advantage of the coffee break to kiss me and slip away surreptitiously. Drinking awkwardly his coffee cup with trembling because of his hands, Mike told me the latest news that Dr. Carlisle, who also looked after my husband, had just told him. Unfortunately, metastasis had spread throughout the body of Mrs. Newton. The doctor gave her only months to live. I tried to comfort him but my speech was more awkward than anything. After three coffees, I decided to leave to take the bus towards my home. When I was arrived at the bus shelter, I remembered that I had forgotten to ask the doctor about the health of Edward. However, the air was damp and I did not want to torture me to go up this damn slope. Then the bus arrived.

 **E** xhausted by the long morning, my face pressed to the pane, landscapes passed before my eyes : the cemetery, the bakery, the coffee shop ... But only one face dancing on my pupils, Edward face that I was dying to see again. Twenty-four hours would pass before our next meeting. The return trip seemed endless and short. Few minutes to remember our memories and too much time having to undergo the discomfort of public transport. The bus finally announced my station ; I got up to go down and I quickly take refuge in my building and go back to my daily routine, incredibly boring.

 **N** arcotic, depressing, tedious. _My new life._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes** : 1. _I am a french student. As I have difficulties in translating from French to English, I am looking for **a good English beta-reader** to correct me and teach me the secrets of the English language. This fiction is already over in French._

2\. Thank you !

.

 **PS: I love You, Edward**

 **.**

 **Natasha Nox**

 **.**

 **Chapter 4 :** Unexpected news.

(1/2)  
 **.**

 **I** f that day was like all the others, for me, it wasn't. This day belonged to these repetitive days into which yet hides a chain reaction that will fire later. A time bomb that I did not know. But, I already sensed it. Jacob had come and had Knock on my door that morning. Claiming to be concerned about the health of Edward, my old friend invited himself into my flat. He finally asked me if I would play poker at noon with his childhood friends, Quil and Embry.

 **A** s I wanted to escape the unbearable loneliness — Edward was gone only for a few weeks —, I accepted and smiled a wide grin.

 **I** nstead of being on my sofa in front of my TV, I will have fun racking my brains. At noon, I went to see my neighbor. When I entered his flat, a sweet smell enveloped me, a cotton candy smell that reminded me of my childhood when my mother, Renee Dwyer — while she was still married to my father Charlie — took me at carnivals or other festivities. I smile to face this environment looked like a little nest. Jacob's daughter, a maid, regularly visited his father to do housework. Every corner was dusted, everything was tidy and classified as a pub decor. But that smell brought a lively touch in this idyllic picture. In the middle of the dining room, located right outside the front door, two men with tanned skin were sitting. They rose to greet me. That was ages since I hadn't seen Quil and Embry. I had always wondered how the friendship of this trio had survive over the years. Never an ounce of jealousy, never distance, not separation. Their friendship was very solid. Decades had not altered their feelings. Always a joke, always a smile. It was the trio. Jacob invited me to sit down and Embry distributed the cards. Quil explained me poker rules before starting the game. I quietly listened without interrupting him. In fact, I knew it, I was fond of poker and this kind of games. Sometimes, when I was alone, or when Edward was taking a nap, I played cards alone, creating my own strategies, trying to win at my own game. To win was the only advantage. Once ready, we began to play. Soon, under the gaze of men who were intrigued and tried to relativize their losses with jokes, I became the leader. I was about to strip them all when a phone rang.

 **I** got up instinctively. But I was quickly caught by Jacob, to my left, who took me by the arm: _« Bella, this is my phone. It's not a call for you... »_ I swallowed and looked at the wall clock: _"4:30 p.m.»._ For fear of missing a call from the hospital in my own flat, I decided to leave. But Jacob, who had answered the phone, stood in front of me and handed me the phone. _« This is for you, Bella. »_ he told before returning to play with his two accomplices. Hardly had I put the phone against my ear I heard Renesmee's voice: _« Hello, Mom, Mom you're here? »._ I confirmed with a hesitant voice. Her voice...I felt a great anxiety. I didn't give way to panic and I wondered what would happen to my daughter. _« Mom, I called at your flat and no one picked the phone up! You forgot to call me this morning, I was very worried. Imagine there was a problem, no one can know it. You should invest in a small chain with a button ... I can't remember the name ... my husband recently saw an ad on TV... Fortunately I know Jacob, mom, and I know you're either at home, either in the hospital with dad, or at Jacob's home, otherwise I would be worried for hours wondering what happened to my mother. Besides, I don't go out of work before five ... »._ I interrupted my child. _« Renesmee, why do you call me? Is it important, is not it?_ ». A few seconds passed before my daughter realized what I was saying, _« Yes, Mom, as you didn't pick your phone up, the hospital called me Dad goes well, his operation was successful. He is awakening._ » I let out a sigh of satisfaction instead of Jacob looked up and watched me with a raised eyebrow. « _Thank you, darling, for letting me know. I'm going home. Tomorrow, I'll go see your father if you want to come with me._ » After saying goodbye, I was about to hang up when my daughter said to me: « _Uh, Mom, I saw Papa before his operation he asked me to tell you "it was your turn to write some words_ ". » I smiled and then I hung up. I said Jacob and his friends I came back, I took my bag and left the room. Again my routine: I watch the news while cooking, I eat, I wash me and then I go to sleep. It was nine o'clock but I was afraid of missing my bus to the hospital. Moreover, the next day will be the Lord's day. Few transports were available this day. I really hoped to arrive in time for Communion Service, at eleven o'clock, after the hospital.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes** : 1. _I am a french student. As I have difficulties in translating from French to English, I am looking for_ ** _a good English beta-reader_** _to correct me and teach me the secrets of the English language._ **I want you to help me to improve me, please** **!** _This fiction is already over in French._

2\. **Guest :** I am very interested ! Did you could leave me your email address in a review? After I will erase your email address, don't worry. Thank you very much !

.

 **PS: I love You, Edward**

 **.**

 **Natasha Nox**

 **.**

 **Chapter 4 :** Unexpected news.

(2/2)  
 **.**

 **W** hen I was nibbling a slice of bread with strawberry jam on my sofa, before morning TV show, I took a pen and paper. Edward and I had a very strange ritual. Since our meeting, we send letters each other. It could be sentences, a few words, or even drawings. At my last visit to the hospital, my dear Edward had put a paper in the pocket of my jacket on which he had writed "Tender kisses". Simple words that have brightened our lives and nourished our love. As I missed him a lot, I intended to write a long letter. Write reassured me and reassured almost an hour, I scribbled on my paper, drew lines, writed again over, drew lines again looking for the perfect words for this letter. Just like relationship, everything was precision, delicacy. I was so hastily that he read my words. Each of us stored letters in a secret place, a kind of inaccessible private world.

 **S** uddenly, the phone was ringing. Receive a phone call on Sunday was strange. I threw a glance at the clock and saw that it was still early, this wasn't my daughter. I got out of my covers to pick up the phone: _« Hello Mrs Cullen, I'm Dr. Carlisle. I treated your husband... There were...complications… Should you come at the hospital ou call me back?_ »

 **I** could not help thinking to join my love. I was panic-stricken and I quickly put on a dress, before running towards the bathroom to have a wash.

 **W** hen I traversed the living room, I quickly took my letter and without folding it, I put it in my dark purple bag violine. Out of my apartment, I did drop my keys. My face express my scorn; within five minutes, I missed the bus.

 **M** y knees painfully cracked when I kneeled down to catch the keys and I picked my self up, I was in front of a very worried Jacob. When I tell him the call of Dr Carlisle, he forced me to come with him. He wanted to drive me to the hospital. We silently got off the elevator and got on his car. The journey was much shorter than with bus and, at this time, it seemed lenghty.

 _ **I** s it really serious?_ I grimaced. Jacob saw my tears. He took my hand and said: _« Bella, everything is okay. I swear you. I'm here to help you. »._ I knew he was really honest. But I was so worried and I had many questions, So I did not realize he was worried about me. And if I come too late? What had happened at the hospital?

 **W** hy everything had changed in less than two minutes?

 **.**

 **Join me on FB ;)**

 **"Natasha Nox"**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes** : 1. _I am a french student. As I have difficulties in translating from French to English, I am looking for_ ** _a good English beta-reader_** _to correct me and teach me the secrets of the English language._ **I want you to help me to improve me, please** **!** _This fiction is already over in French._

2\. **Guest :** I am very interested ! Did you could leave me your email address in a review? After I will erase your email address, don't worry. Thank you very much !

.

 **PS: I love You, Edward**

 **.**

 **Natasha Nox**

 **.**

 **Chapter 5 :** A life on paper.

(1/2)  
 **.**

 **T** raffic jam. Jacob lifted his foot and put the warnings to warn other motorists of the slowdown. Beside, I sank the teeth and I was boiling with rage. Perhaps my Edward was dyning, I was stuck in this damn traffic jam. When I turned the head, my bus passed beside us. To top it all, cloudbursts fell on Forks, we didn't saw more than two meters. I heard Jake swear and pass the fast speed of the windscreen wipers. Then he threw me a worried look. We were moving at a snail's pace and patience began to miss me. To relax me, my best friend spoke about the disastrous signal of Forks.

 **B** ut I was only half-listening. I scanned the landscapes which look like my soul. Gray buildings, gray road, gray skies, and rain. Shaking my head to the rhythm of the sound of droplets that hit the glass, I started to ask me about death. Was it the end of all things? Edward was a fervent believer, still convinced that his soul was doomed to hell, and religion had always been a delicate subject on which our opinions differed. However, death might mow my soulmate and I now found myself to imagine on a cloud, Edward and me, in paradise, smiling. Happy. An eternal love.

 **E** ternity is yet a unimaginable concept when the tomb is visible on the horizon.

 **D** octor Cullen welcomed us when we arrived at the hospital. His forehead wrinkled because of concern. My ears rang and I had the impression of being in a daze, in another world. When the doctor told me about Edward, the words swirled without ever reaching my ears. I unsderstood a single sentence: _"a second operation is needed... after, your husband will get better."_ Jacob put his hand on my elbow and took me on his arms. This contact reminded me that time where Jake and I were very close. After talking me, Dr. Cullen made us wait in the hallway crowded with patients and nurses. Edward was going to be operated in emergency and I refused to move.

 **A** fter eight hours of waiting, thirty-five minutes and twenty-two seconds, according to the clock in the room where Jacob and I we were waiting, a woman in white blouse with long blonde hair curly and looks like a model walked in our direction. With a smile, she announced : _"Mrs. Cullen, your nightmare is finished, you will be able to see your husband."_

 **.**

 **Join me on FB :**

 **"Natasha Nox"**


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes** : 1. _I am a french student. As I have difficulties in translating from French to English, I am looking for_ ** _a good English beta-reader_** _to correct me and teach me the secrets of the English language._ **I want you to help me to improve me, please** **!** _This fiction is already over in French._

.

 **PS: I love You, Edward**

 **.**

 **Natasha Nox**

 **.**

 **Chapter 5 :** A life on paper.

(2/2)  
 **.**

 **O** n the couch, as each end of the afternoon after walking in the park for digesting, that was now unavoidable since the operation of my husband, Edward and I were watching our favorite show. It was a game, like a hangman game in which two people were to be the first to guess the word with only two letters were revealed. Head on Edward's chest, with my eyes closed, I let myself be lulled by the caresses of my lover. His fingers played with my hair, twisting them around his finger and then letting them fall on my back _. « The word starts with W and ends with I. In four letters. You have an idea, Bella? »_ Edward asked me. His deep voice sounded, I loved having my head lay against him, I liked that feeling that made my skin shiver when he spoke. _« No idea. »_ I replied. Now I could see his eyes focused on the screen. Edward was even more handsome when he was thinking. A corner of his lip stretched and then said, triumphantly: _« Wifi I'm sure it's the word »._

 _« **W** IFI? »,_ I thought. He chuckled seeing my intrigued look and bent down to kiss me. I remembered that we had vaguely talked with Renesmee when she had come to set up the 'wifi' in our flat but our questions about 'internet' and new technology had quickly made her give up.

 **W** hile we kissed, Edward ran a hand through my back and began to raise my sweater. I chuckled and got up to put me astride him. Even after so many years, never my desire for him had dried up. And this time did not escape the rule. We loved each other during long hours and then we fell asleep, smiling after we exchanged the same words every night. _« I love you »._ _« I love you too, Bella. ». « Forever_ ». These same words were dispersing bad thinking like death. However, that day, Edward added a few words which I did not take warning: _« Forever and forever, I love you beyond death and expect your coming I'll be your angel. »_

 **N** auseous, I woke up the next morning with a strange feeling. The television was still on. Outside, the sun already warmed the large open flowers, and the rays passing through the room. Yet, the coldness was prickling my skin. This impression of coldness was nevertheless real. I felt it in my back. Slowly, one hand clinging to the arm of the sofa, I turned back. Edward stared at the empty, eyes wide open, with a smile. My love. My angel with cold skin. In his hand, a sentence written on a paper: _« I'm waiting for you. »_

 **.**

 **Join me on FB :**

 **"Natasha Nox"**


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